On December 9, the Miami Dolphins will host one of its biggest rivals: The New England Patriots. That means thousands of Patriots fans will be pouring into Miami from all over the country to cheer on the wrong team. And that also means you could end up face to face with one of these fans.
As Miami personal injury lawyers, we want to deter violence as much as possible. So if your run-in with a Pat’s fan begins to get heated, remind them of all the good the Dolphins have done for the NFL — things the Patriots could never imagine!
Here’s how to survive a run-in with a Patriots fan this winter, from beginning to end:
If you suspect you’re dealing with a Pats fan, but you aren’t sure, you can easily identify them with a simple question: “Who’s the greatest of all time?” (or, more succinctly, “Who’s the GOAT?”) If their answer is anyone but Dan Marino, you’ve crossed a Patriots fan.
They’ll try to wave Tom Brady’s 5 Super Bowl rings compared to Dan Marino’s zero. Don’t give in. After all, which team has an Ace Ventura movie about them? Hint: It’s not the Patriots! And really, a movie starring Jim Carrey about your team is the biggest accomplishment of all.
Patriots fans love to talk about their history… post-2001. They love talking Bill Belichick, even though they’ll say more in a minute than Bill will say all year. And, of course, they love talking about Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski and other players (who would probably be mediocre without Belichick coaching them).
But what they don’t realize is that the Dolphins specialize in job creation. You know how many coaches the Patriots have had in the past 18 years? One. And they’ve only had one starting quarterback in the past 18 years. Talk about stifling the job market.
In that time, the Dolphins have had 9 different head coaches and 19 different starting quarterbacks. Miami values job creation. It’s what we’re good at, and our Dolphins are the prime example. At this point, Pats fans will be so baffled by this revelation, they won’t be able to argue back!
When you’re dealing with a born and bred Pats fan from Boston, understanding what they’re saying can get pretty difficult. It’s almost as if they became so focused on yelling loudly for the Pats, they forgot how to talk! Hopefully, this translation guide will provide some help:
If things are getting too hot, take a minute and diffuse the situation. One of the best ways to do so is by remembering the following acronym: PSI.
P – Patriot
S – Suppression
I – Initiative
True Pats fan will instantly realize you don’t want to argue anymore and will walk away. But there’s always that one fan who will want to keep arguing. At this point, simply remind them of the Dolphins 54 to 51 all-time series lead. In fact, the Pats lost in Hard Rock Stadium just last year. Who can argue against that sterling history?
We know Pats fans are passionate about their team. But when the Dolphins win, remember not to antagonize our Sunday rival. After all, their quarterback is nearing retirement and can only spin it for so long. Sure, he gets to go home to a supermodel wife and storybook family, but that’s no help when he’s up against the Tannchise!
When in doubt, put your actions through this filter: Am I being the person Dan Marino thinks I should be? If not, rethink what you’re doing.
Lastly, when the Dolphins win, remember not to gloat. Pats fans are going to be feeling deflated, or like they were cheated, as they are not used to being on the losing side of the field. So there is no need to rub the loss in their faces. After all, Dolphins fans are nothing if not classy!
At Steinger, Iscoe & Greene, we bleed teal and orange (well, most of us), and we can’t wait to see our Dolphins take down the Patriots. But in all seriousness, we know injuries can happen at and around Hard Rock Stadium. Whether you’re a diehard Dolphins fan from Miami or a Patriots fan visiting from Boston, our attorneys are here to help.
At Steinger, Iscoe & Greene, we’ve helped our clients recover over $1 billion in compensation. We can help you, too. Call our Miami personal injury attorneys today for a free, no-obligation consultation.